March 7

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Fear Begins At Home

I got into a conversation with a Bolt driver yesterday. And I was astounded by what he said…

My wife had booked a ride for me to come over to where we’re vacationing for the weekend, and he was to pick me up.

Settling into the car, he said something like, “Sir, I wanted to let you know I’m impressed by your wife.”

Turning my face to him, I asked why and he said…

“My wife hasn’t used anything technology since her NYSC days. No smartphone, no laptop, not even Facebook.”

My therapist hat came on, and curiously, I asked if he could tell me more about that, while I thanked him for the kind words about my wife.

Unfortunately, the wife had been defrauded by a group of thieves who were using technology on the day she was exiting NYSC.

Under duress, she was made to swipe her ATM card to transfer all her NYSC allowance which she has been saving to the thieves…. Collected her smartphone… and….

Normally, a traumatic experience forces your brain to create new neural networks. When that or a similar experience is repeated one or 2 more times, it becomes a pattern your “predictive brain” uses to send signals and neurochemicals to your nervous system…

This is why people who experience trauma (well, many of us in a nation like Nigeria), tend to freeze our lives – or that aspect of our lives- because that’s one of the responses of our “predictive brain”.

I didn’t explain this to the man though, because he may not understand. But I asked further questions.

One was, “Did she experience any other incidence like this? Maybe an accident, a loss of someone close to her, or sort?”

His response was shocking

“Sir, how did you know?”

I replied, “Did she? Was she married to you when they happened?”

That was how the can of worms was opened.

Smart, intelligent woman but has experienced a sequel of unfortunate traumas. Many linked to usage of technology including an accident that involved the loss of a 6-months pregnancy.

I can’t go into many details he shared with me – of course, for confidentiality sake. And by the time I was coming down from the car, I knew again, as if my memory was refreshed, the work I do has a far-reaching impact.

In my book, Limitless Courage and Confidence, I noted: Families have broken down because of dysfunctionalities that weren’t intentional, but improperly managed. I saw that at play again yesterday.

Anyway, the man went home with a tool to help his wife come out of that experience over time, and to enjoy her life again. And more importantly, he went home with a ticket to The Fear Resolve Process for his wife. I showed him the flyer of course, and he said a YES on the spot.

What does this have to do with you?

Like I mentioned, trauma (major or mini) has a way of creating easy-to-relive fears and phobias. And research also confirms that the brain responds to any stimulus whether real or imagined, as long as the hippo-campus, hypothalamus, and amygdala have a previous experience associated with that fear, phobia and anxiety.

That means you don’t have to see what triggers your fear or anxiety in order to be afraid, or be anxious… Your memory only needs to serve you a reminder and almost the same emotions will be present.

Let me simplify it for you further.

Fear is not some spirit you bind, nor an object you despise. Fear is a “stored memory” that’s intact somewhere influencing your behaviours and decisions.

And unless you beam the light on that dark area, even without your conscious awareness, the battle continues underground.

This is why motivation works for fear sometimes. It helps you forget that memory momentarily – in that moment.

But if you want a lasting solution. You need more than motivation, you need more than “be fearless” or “do it afraid”.

You need a better solution. One that bypasses the motivational, get-excited centers of your brain. One that digs into aligning your Past, Present and Pending Self for your Powerful advantage.


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